Comparing Yourself to Others Hurts… you! Two Self-Love antidotes to the toxic habit of Comparison.
Which is why my heart breaks when I witness my goddess daughters, my best friends, my clients, do one of the most abusive acts we can take against ourselves…
COMPARE ourselves to other people in a way that makes us feel inferior, less than, like we should be doing more, like we aren’t enough because we aren’t doing/being/having what someone else has.
Comparing yourself to another human is like consuming a green gallon of toxic poison – makes you feel like crap, poisons your view of yourself, and kills your spirit.
You know what I am talking about, yes?
The good news is that you are not the only one that compares their body, accomplishments, creations, bank accounts, relationships, yada yada. In fact this toxic habit starts young – if you’re a parent, your child is already doing it, and if you are a parent alive in today’s crazy consumer media frenzied society, chances are you doing it too.
I can remember when I came to visit my goddess daughter Janie when she was 6 and I asked her “Do you ever compare yourself?” She replied dumbfounded, “What is comparison?” As a kindergartener, she had no concept of comparing herself to another because she didn’t do it. Fast forward to my visit these past three years, when we have to have long conversations and interventions regarding her inner mean girl, the Comparison
This is the hurtful Comparison Queen Victoria (Janie drew her on Halloween so we could bring this scary force inside her out of the dark where she tormented her and into the light where we could heal her.)
While I hate that Janie has to deal with this Inner Mean Girl – I am so grateful we have a way to interact with it in a way that empowers her to change her thoughts and remember how talented, beautiful, and special she is – just as Jane, no one else. And while Jane may only be 10, I think she speaks for all of us, especially women, who sadly compare ourselves all the time.
So what did I tell Janie to help her deal with this nefarious force? How did I give up comparison 5 years ago because just like when I gave up smoking over a decade ago, I was sick and tired of how it made me feel like crap?
Well I did several things, three of which I share with you here as self-love antidotes to the toxic habit of Comparison. Next time your inner mean girl or inner mean dude the Comparison Queen rears it’s ugly head, try one of these self-love antidotes:
1. Turn the channel of your mind to your Inner Wisdom instead and remember this: Anytime you compare yourself to another, you are actually witnessing something inside of YOU that wants to be set free, express itself more, or be acknowledged (most of all by you!).
Your Comparison Queen is just afraid of risks, progress, rejection, and your greatness which is why she does crazy things like get jealous, judge others, turn a friend’s great news into a reason to feel bad about yourself; measure you against people who have accomplished amazing feats or who are doing what you really want to do but haven’t done yet; make your good news seem like it’s not enough… but that’s all a smoke screen for your greatness.. so, next time you compare yourself notice that what you are seeing in someone else is also present inside of you.
2. Apply Inspiration & Appreciation ASAP – Remember a time you recently compared yourself to someone else – in addition to feeling crappy about yourself, notice it also made you feel isolated, separate and alone. Prime time for an Inner Mean Girl or Inner Mean Dude attack! Comparison creates disconnection. SO next time you start comparing yourself, instead of disconnecting, I dare you to CONNECT… with the exact person you are comparing yourself too… yep!
• The next time you start comparing yourself to someone else … STOP! And appreciate them instead! Turn the channel in your head to the Love Channel, and find something you appreciate about this person, or something about them that inspires you.
• THEN — DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP — reach out to that person and tell them specifically what inspires you about them! If you are in person with them, go talk to them. If you are not in person, email or Facebook them. (If this makes you apprehensive – it’s supposed to … it’s a double dog DARE! Try it – I bet you’ll like it!
3. Create a relationship with this force inside of you – your INNER Mean Girl or Mean Dude – that empowers you to be the OBSERVER OF rather than the VICTIM TO it… and then give it a new job. My Comparison Queen Mean Patty is now my Talent Scout –instead of tormenting me with other people’s achievements she brings me people doing great things to inspire me to my greatness. I’ve helpedover 22,369 people in 6 continents give us this toxic habit and I’ve watched many give their Inner Mean Girl or Dude a new job.
What job does your Inner Mean Girl Comparison Queen or King want?
Decide which antidote you will try next time you have an Inner Mean Girl or Inner Mean Dude Attack at the hands of your Comparison Queen. I’ll be cheering you on! If you want more support, strategy and tools to combat the voice of your Inner Mean Girl or Dude, visit http://www.innermeangirl.com/
Christine Arylo is a transformational teacher, speaker and best-selling author. After earning her MBA and climbing the corporate ladder, she chose to devote her life to creating a new reality for women and girls, one based on self-love and true feminine power instead of the relentless pursuit of having to do, be and have it all. She is the author of two best-selling books, Choosing ME before WE and Madly in Love With Me, The Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend, and the co-founder of Inner Mean Girl Reform School, which has helped over 23,000 women transform their inner critics. She is also the founder of the international Day of Self-Love, February 13th. She is affectionately known as ‘The Queen of Self-Love.’
Christine has been featured on CBS, ABC, FOX, E!, the Huffington Post, and on radio shows and stages around the world, including TEDx. She normally lives in Northern California with her partner, Noah, but recently they sold their house to live their dream of living, working and speaking and teaching from anywhere in the world.
To find out more about Christine go to www.ChooseSelfLove.com