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I Feel Like A Douche When…

You don’t need to get rich to be happy. You need to be happy to get rich.” – Ryan Daniel Moran 

Every time I do something that conflicts with who I am, I feel like a douche.

I was recently convicted of this after reading Choose Yourself by James Altucher. I haven’t yet decided what I think of James (I think I like him), but his message resonated with me.

Truth is, I spent a lot of time in the last few years doing things that didn’t mesh who I believe myself to be, and as a result of those things, I felt like a douche. As a result, I discovered that I am much happier and much more successful when I focus first and being completely fulfilled.

I spent a lot of time “finding myself” over the years, and I’m thankful to have had the flexibility to experiment with a lot of things. After exploring and experimenting and searching, I’ve concluded that being your full, honest self can help you live longer, make you fall in love, and become a millionaire. It is the cure-all for everything.

Somewhere along my young business journey, I bought into the lie that you need to “model successful people.”

I  immersed myself around people who were at a much higher level than I was, and as a result, incredible opportunities opened up for me.

But at the same time, I thought that I had to do what they did… exactly how they did it.

And that’s the promise, isn’t it? If someone has had success, you should follow what they did, exactly. And if you work hard, you’ll achieve the same things.

You should model their habits, their patterns, their beliefs, their behaviors… all of it, the belief goes.

But me? It left me drained, because I was focusing on what they were good at, rather than what I loved.

In fact, people write me all the time and ask me the exact steps to success. In fact, one person sat in my living room and said, “Can you just show me exactly what to do to duplicate the same result that you got?” (Exact quote.)

No, I can’t.

Why? Because you’re not me, and I’m not you.

And I’m not the people that I tried to model.

Now, there is plenty to be said for hustle, there is plenty to be said for pushing through barriers, and for finding good role models who stretch you and push you.

But those role models and those goals have to line up with who you are, and your goals must fall in line with you want to be, or you will fail. I know, because I’ve been there.

Confession: a great barrier to my success was that I felt like I had to sacrifice myself in order to be like my role models. Who I was didn’t seem like enough… I had to be like those who “were” enough. That is… self-destructive. And bullshit.

For example, my best friend’s name is Mark. I would do anything for him, and he would do anything for me. I cry if I talk about him too much, because he means that much to me.

Before we were good friends, Mark was someone that I wanted to model; he was extremely successful in business, and he was living the lifestyle that I wanted. I thought that I had to become good at the things that he was good at doing… but it just never lined up. Anytime that I tried to be good at the things Mark was good at doing, I felt drained and unproductive.

Mark has his skills and talents, and I have mine. It is pointless for me to try to become Mark, and it’d be pointless for him to try to become me.

He caught me one time trying to get good at something that I wasn’t good at doing, and he pulled me aside. He looked at me kinda funny and he said, “Dude, just be you. You’ll be way more successful if you just be you.”

His advice took a few months to kick in, but I remember when it happened… I was at Date With Destiny with Tony Robbins, and I realized that if I really wanted to be successful (both financially and in total happiness), I had to be fully me.

In the same way, it’s pointless for you to become like anyone else. You’ll feel drained of energy, less fun, less happy, and make less money.

If I could go back in time and meet the 12 year old version of me, I’d pick him up and tell him, “Be you. Always be you. Don’t try to be anybody else, just do you and be proud of yourself. Be transparent, honest, and open, and you will attract success.”

I heard Neil Strauss say something recently that I thought hit the nail on the head. He said, “Don’t wait for the money to provide the lifestyle that you want. Start living the lifestyle that you want, and the money will follow.”

Alternatively, you could say, “Don’t wait for money to make you happy. Start doing what makes you happy, and then the money will follow.”

I know this to be true.

How?

Because every time I do things for money, I feel like a douche.

But every time that I do something that makes me happy, I make more money.

That’s weird, isn’t it?

Actually, no. When you feel fulfilled, when you feel abundant, you are more likely to give more. You are more likely to do your best work. You are more likely to bless other people.

When you do things just for money, you are approaching it from a taker’s perspective. And that may work for a while, but it will leave you empty and burnt out.

For example, many of those people that I “modeled” were in the business opportunity space. There is nothing inherently wrong with that space, but the people in there tend to be slimy and nasty.

The people in that space have a “taker” mentality. They worry about how to make the most money, and that is the singular focus. There is nothing wrong with making a lot of money, but the “taker” philosophy also takes away your energy.

When I emulated their processes, I worried about money *more,* because there was never enough. And every single person in that circle is the same way.

Recently, I decided to retire from that space, and to only do the things that lit me up, and lit up those around me.

When you feel most alive, you are irresistible. People are drawn to you. Success and abundance becomes magnetic toward you.

Most of you who follow me have some sort of an online business, or you want to have an online business. How many times have you felt resistance towards doing the things you know that you should do in order to produce the result that you want?

If you’re honest, it’s more times than you’d like to admit.

The reason you feel that resistance is because something doesn’t quite align with who you are. The minute you have a shift in perspective to being fully you, things become effortless.

Side note: it becomes a lot easier to be yourself and to be alive and abundant when you stop comparing yourself to other people. That’s real freedom. 

Did you know…? You inherently love yourself. 

If you disagree, chances are that you haven’t felt like “yourself” lately, and you’re answering to someone else about who you need to be.

That’s not freedom. That’s slavery.

To be successful, just be you. Otherwise, you’ll end up feeling like a douche.

Be you,

Ryan

P.S. What is currently in your life that doesn’t make you feel like you? What can you change to be more fully alive?

See the below message that I posted on Facebook – I hope that it will inspire you to do the same. If so, leave a post in the comments below.

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